Someone on your team
lost someone.
The manager card. Managers freeze, and the freeze reads as not caring. Here is what to actually say. mortl.com/for-employers
The first conversation
Say this, word for word if you need to
- "I heard your mom died. I am so sorry." Use the real words: died, dead. Softening them makes the griever manage your discomfort.
- "Take the time you need. Your work is covered, and I will handle how." Then actually cover it. Do not let their inbox become the second funeral.
- "You do not have to answer anything right now." Then let silence be fine. Sitting in it beats filling it.
- "Would you rather the team knows, or that I keep it between us for now?" Their grief, their call, every time.
The reflexes to kill
Never these
- "Everything happens for a reason." No grieving person has ever been helped by this sentence.
- "At least she lived a long life." Any sentence starting with "at least" is for your comfort, not theirs.
- "Let me know if you need anything." They will not. Offer one specific thing instead: "I moved your Thursday deadline."
- "When do you think you will be back to normal?" There is no back. There is only forward, at their pace.
The first weeks
What good management looks like now
- "No agenda, just checking on you." A two-minute check-in each week beats one grand gesture. Grief outlasts the casseroles.
- "Here is what moved off your plate and who has it." Reassign explicitly, in writing. Vague relief is no relief.
- "The first day back, we can keep it light. You set the pace." The return conversation happens BEFORE the return, so day one has no ambush.
- "If work is not the problem, we have real support too." Know your EAP number before you need it. If grief is visibly not lifting after months, encourage real help; that is care, not overreach.
Filled dots are what to say. Crossed lines are what to retire. When their person's death also dumps paperwork on them, point them at mortl.com: the checklist and guides exist for exactly that week.
Every manager gets this card before they need it.
MORTL. Straight talk, no euphemisms. mortl.com
Send this to every manager you know
Managers freeze. This card is the difference between silence and support.